Mamamorphosis
MAMAMORPHOSIS: The transformational process of a woman becoming the mother she was born to be.
“When a woman is in her cocoon phase (i.e. postpartum)–which can be weeks, months, or sometimes even years following the birth of her child–it needs to be recognized that she is in a liminal/suspended space, in which she is also something like mush. Her eventual transformation into a butterfly depends largely on full recovery on all levels of her being — physical, emotional and spiritual.” ~Dr. Oscar Serrallach
When I look back at the past 12 years, I cannot really believe just how much I have transformed through my mamamorphosis. “Mush” is a great way to describe how I felt after my first birth… and mush is how I stayed for longer than I would like to admit. My cocoon/chrysalis stage was a longer period for me because I needed more time with my transformation. It was hard, painful & is what made me who I am today. Without the hard… there can be no transformation.
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it had to go through to achieve that beauty.” ~Maya Angelou
Here’s a little glimpse into my journey….
FIRST PREGNANCY, BIRTH & POSTPARTUM JOURNEY
Trying to Conceive for over a year unsuccessfully
Diagnosed with infertility, less than 1% chance of conceiving on our own
Then magically conceiving that same month we were given that diagnosis
Easy pregnancy felt pretty good.
At eight months pregnant received my master’s degree in education
Vaginal induction birth with epidural that was very traumatizing. Was very disconnected from the entire process, from my body and my baby. Felt very disconnected from my baby from the get-go.
Unsuccessful at breastfeeding, gave up after 2 weeks
Severe postpartum depression that lasted over a year
SECOND TIME JOURNEY
TTC for over a year unsuccessfully, back to the fertility docs I went. Diagnosed with Secondary Infertility and still said “Less than 1% chance of conceiving on our own.”
Two rounds of unsuccessful IUI’s
Two rounds of unsuccessful IVF
In-between 2nd and 3rd round of IVF I went to yoga school (200hr Yoga Teacher Training with Jillian Pransky & Carrie Parker Gastelu, Bright Spirit Co-Founders) Where I learned to breathe and manifest!
3rd Round of IVF I conceived my 2nd son Harrison & froze my daughter Jaclyn (I didn’t know she was a girl or that she was a viable embryo… manifesting magic at its best!)
Very easy pregnancy. Felt great and truly fell in love with being pregnant and being that close to my baby.
Harrison was born at 39 weeks via cesarean section, or what I like to call a “belly birth” It was very traumatic, and I had an anxiety attack on the OR table.
After my belly birth I was surrounded by a lot of support and I had a wonderful postpartum… when I realized how bad my postpartum depression was after my first birth truly was.
When baby was 9 months old, I decided to go to 85hr Prenatal Yoga Teacher Training at Yoga Works, NYC with Carrie Parker Gastelu, Founder of BabyMoon Prenatal Yoga
Successfully & exclusively breastfed for over a year!
THIRD TIME JOURNEY
1 lone little frozen embryo haunting me. No clue if it was viable or what gender it was… just got the bill for the next year’s storage fee and thought… “let’s see.” I was open to all outcomes and wanted my IVF journey to be over… this embryo transfer, either successful or unsuccessful would be it. LOW AND BEHOLD…. SUCCESS!
Opened Avalon Wellness Center, pregnancy, birth & motherhood wellness center. Co-founded with my mother the midwife Mama Donna, co-founder of Avalon Midwives.
Pregnancy was terrible! My marriage was tanking. My mother put all the pressure of the wellness center on me… I became very depressed and even had suicidal thoughts during this pregnancy, even though I was pregnant with my girl. It was always my dream to have 3 kids and a baby girl.
Turned to HypnoBirthing®- Hypnosis & guided meditation
Started seeing a psychiatrist, acupuncturist, clinical hypnotherapist, spiritual healer, taking regular yoga classes and focused on my growing belly and preparing for my natural VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I grew very strong in my mindfulness practice and made my health and my baby my top priority.
STEPPED INTO MY FULL BIRTHING POWER- fully present & mindfully aware of EVERYTHING
On December 27,2015 I had a successful VBAC…. My crowning achievement in my life to date!!!
Successfully breastfed for almost a year.
Postpartum was hard because my plate was very full, but I used all of my mindfulness practices to be aware of what I needed during this time.
After falling IN LOVE with having a Mindful Birth I decided that I wanted to coach other women on how to be fully present and enjoy their births. I became a certified birth doula through DONA (Doulas of North America).
Wanting to educate women on Mindful Birthing, I became a certified HypnoBirthing® instructor through the Mongan Method.
On the day each of my children were born I was reborn too…. I was on my path to transformation. It was through my mindfulness practice that I tapped into my full potential, my birthing power and was able to become a present mother. I know what it’s like to be completely disconnected and not present…. That was my experience with my first birth and postpartum. The awakening into the awareness of how sad, resentful and bitter I was and how I used numbing substances to shut down my feelings was very hard to sit with… but the hard is where I was able to begin the transformation from mush to a butterfly.
My children are 5, 7 & 10 now (as of 3/24/21). My baby girl is starting kindergarten in the fall, my eldest is going to middle school and I find myself mindfully awareness of my mamamorphosis and extremely grateful for my lessons. My butterfly wings are intact, and they are big and bright and I’m ready to fly. It’s time for me to pass on all my mamamorphosis wisdom so that you can embrace this hard, transformative cycle so you get to spread your beautiful wings and fly as high as you possibly can.
Learning to listen to my intuition, my mommy gut, was my greatest lesson! Once I created the space and the quiet to hear my inner-voice I began to grow strong, confident and able to speak my truth. She’s in there ladies… we just have to learn to listen & trust our gut!
This is what I am dedicating this blog to…. Sharing the Mindful Birth® wisdom; the resources, the tools, the skills… all of it… so you too can learn to listen to your inner-voice and speak YOUR truth. My mission is help you emerge from your pregnancy and postpartum cocoon the most beautiful version of yourself, transformed into the mother you were always meant to be! Welcome to your journey, let’s begin.
In Love & Light, Jen