The Choice Between Love & Fear

Why is it so hard to sit with our pain, our worry our fear? Why do we not want to look at it? Why do we shy away from this work towards transformation, turning our pain into our power? What makes us lock up our feelings and store them in places until they come out in unhealthy ways? Habit? Upbringing? Shame? Too painful? Too hard? I’m here to tell you that you have a choice between these two things, love and fear. BUT… you must first learn to not turn away from the fear, you must lean in and get curious.  By getting curious we can soften, unravel & release the tension surrounding the pain. Once we have brought awareness to our pain, we can begin to learn why this fear is bubbling in our mind and causing unrest in our bodies, we can then work towards resolution or release.

Choosing between two emotions requires self-awareness. Once we notice an emotion boiling to the surface, we can then get curious with our feelings and start the journey inward where our truth & power reside.

How do we get curious with our fear? First, we need to become aware of when we are feeling triggered. What is the stimulating factor, why is it causing dis-ease in our bodies? Noticing what thoughts are racing through our mind and how that is affecting the sensations in our body is a great start. Just notice.

Awareness is step 1. Step 2 might look a little like deep belly breathing and surrounding your pain with loving kindness. Breathing deeply and staying with that worry, talking to it like it were a small child (aka: your inner child) can help you to understand more about these feelings and sensations they are causing.

Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of? What is making me worry about this fear so much?”

  • Maybe it’s a past birthing experience.

  • Maybe it’s stories others have passed on to you.

  • Maybe it’s something you have seen on TV- a show that predicted birth as scary.

  • Maybe it’s something that is not sitting well with you, perhaps your care provider or where you plan on giving birth.

  • Maybe it’s fear surrounding pregnancy and birth during a global pandemic.

  • Maybe you are afraid of the birth process or winding up with a surgical birth.

  • Maybe you are afraid of how much you have heard birth hurts and pain in general.

Possible conversation with your worry:

“I see you worry…why are you here? I will take care of you and listen to you so we can find a creative solution so you can go back to resting. Where are you hanging out worry? My chest? My jaw? My shoulders? I will breathe in fresh oxygen and send it to those body parts to ease your tension.  I will take care of you; you are not alone!”

Step 1: Become curious and mindfully aware of your fears/worries. Lean in not away.

Step 2: Make friends with your worry: “I see you worry…. talk to me, I will listen.”

Step 3: Turn your pain into POWER. When we listen to our intuition, we are able to access our full power.

This worry is here for a reason… it’s either something you need to work through to release or something you need to pay attention to and DO something about. THIS IS YOUR WORK, YOUR JOURNEY INWARD TO YOUR POWER.

  • Maybe you need better boundaries for what negative stories you let in and what stories you are allowing to take up real estate in your mind.

  • Maybe you have a previous birth experience that is being triggered by this pregnancy that you need to let go of.

  • Maybe you are doing too much and need to start saying no more.

  • Maybe a family member is making you feel at anxious.

  • Maybe you need to sign up for a childbirth education class or hire a birth coach/doula to prepare for your birth.

  • Maybe you feel unprepared for breastfeeding and need to educate yourself more.

Your worry is speaking to you… LISTEN! It’s guiding you inward so you know what your work will be to prepare you for your baby’s birth and motherhood.

What happens when we DO NOT make the space to listen to what our intuition is trying to tell us? Well, we are constantly boiling over with reactivity, easily triggered from living in fight or flight stress response mode. Our stress hormones run the show, we live in fear and let fear dictate our choices not our intuition.

Trigger = Fight or Flight = STRESS RESPONSE HORMONES ARE TURNED ON = Blood flow is redirected to only vital organs = Tension is created in the body = Which creates pain, suffering and more thoughts of fear and round and round we go on the FEAR-TENSION-PAIN cycle.

Once stressful situation is over, depending on how long you were in your stress response mode, it could take 30 minutes to 2 days to clear stress hormones from your system and return to homeostasis, rest and digest.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A CHOICE!

“Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. ~Viktor E. Frankl

This space is our practice and where all our power resides!

When you create space with mindful awareness you open yourself up to discover a new path. You begin to rewire your brain and condition it to focus on what you do want rather than what you do not want. This is how we begin to manifest what we do want into our lives instead of what we do not want.

“Where the mind goes your energy flows.” ~Joe Dispenza

Now that you’ve made friends with your worry and are mindfully aware of why and how it got there, we can work towards resolution or release.

Step 1- Notice

Step 2- Settle the mind & body with your breath and mindfulness practices

Step 3- Find Resolution or Release

MINDFULNESS PRACTICES THAT HELP GUILD YOU INWARD

  • A few minutes of mindful breathing each day, calm breath (inhale for 4, hold for a mindful second, exhale for 8)

  • Journaling on your thoughts and feelings as soon as you notice them. (journal like you are talking to your best friend, which you are)

  • Listening to positive birth stories (The Birth Hour is a great podcast)

  • Write your birth story as if it already happened, the way you want it to. (see our blog on Manifesting Your Dreams Come True) Then use that visual in your daily calm breath practice.

  • Use guided relaxation recordings to practice relaxing. (Tons on YouTube, look up Hypnobirthing. Get curious and find what works for you)

Surrender into the process and let your intuition guide you NOT your fear.

During our labor and birth the hormone that is the star of the show is OXYTOCIN… the LOVE hormone. By working through our fears and worries prior to our baby’s birth we can surrender into the process and let this hormone flood through our veins. If we do not make space to choose love and let fear run the show, we will feel much more pain, shut down and possibly stall the labor process. Sadly, the uterus is not a vital organ and when we are in fight or flight only vital organs are getting optimal blood flow.

When it comes to birth… CHOOSE LOVE!!!! Love releases, softens and opens us while fear contracts, hardens & closes us.

 

LOVE = RELAXATION = PLEASURE

Oxytocin, Endorphins, Serotonin & Oxygen are circulating through the blood stream keeping you relaxed and peaceful.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space”

IN THAT SPACE IS YOUR POWER TO CHOOSE! Our growth and freedom depend on us recognizing that we have a choice.

Will your work towards choosing between love and fear be easy? No… but we are saying it will be worth it!

“WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.” ~Glennon Doyle

 In Love & Light, Jen & Amanda

Mindful Birth