Why I Meditate
“A pint-sized glass will never be able to hold a gallon of water no matter how badly we might want it to.”
Meditation strengthens and grows our mental containers so we can stay open and expansive in the present moment, so we do not contract and turn away from difficult emotions and experiences.
Prior to my mindfulness mediation practice, I would use my adaptive child’s way of avoiding difficult conversations and experiences. If I was triggered in any way, I would usually yell or smile through the pain. There was no room for my feelings. I never went inward and addressed my own shame and vulnerability. I would impulsively jump straight to reactive mode. I never got quiet enough to actually hear the voice in my head that was telling me, “There is a better way. You do not have to feel like this.” In my darkest hours, two failed rounds of IVF, I was fortunate enough to have been shown a better path. For me, that path was yoga and learning how to mindfully breathe in order to create some much-needed space. My container grew and so did I. Again and again, in hard times, I knew how to grow my container in order to make room for difficult feelings. My reward was amazing! Round 3 of IVF, I walked straight through my fiery pain with nothing but my mindful meditation practice to ground me, we conceived Harrison and Jaclyn.
Happy people don’t have less problems they just have better coping skills. Mindfulness meditation is my coping skill, it allows me to be more expansive and allow the present moment to be fuller and brighter, no matter how hard it is.
Today, I am able to more easily stay with discomfort and lean in, to stay present in the moment. By staying present to discomfort during my meditation practice, I now realize how I tend to turn away from other forms of discomfort in real life. I am more aware of when and how I am being triggered, and what my first reaction to dealing with that discomfort is. I now notice where the discomfort is in my body. I notice how my breath changes, how my heart rate changes, and what thoughts arise. This awareness is my superpower… now I get to choose how I react.
To be clear, the point of mindful meditation is NOT-
• Just to focus on the positive emotions, feelings, and sensations in the present moment.
• It is NOT about cutting off/out painful sensations or emotions.
• It is NOT about trying to stop our thoughts altogether either.
The point IS-
• To condition our mind to be PRESENT, GROUNDED, and OPEN to ALL thoughts, emotions, sounds, and sensations whether they are pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral.
• It’s about building our resources, our capacity to hold everything the present moment has to offer; all of it, without turning away and missing our life.
Ask yourself, what would it feel like to hear your own breathing when someone triggers you, or to be able to ground yourself when you are scared by becoming aware of how the ground feels beneath your feet? Without the capacity to hold space for difficult feelings and sensations, this might feel near impossible! Without the mental workout of our meditation practice, we may resort to our adaptive child’s way of dealing with difficult feelings and situations; impulsively reacting to every thought, emotion, or sensation that arises.
With practice, we get better at watching and feeling these experiences without jumping to react. This takes practice, and meditation can grow our mental muscle and expand our containers. One mindful breath at a time.
In Love & Light, Jen